Couples Contingencies: Relationship Counselling

Posted on the July 29th, 2013 under Friends by Laurence Pharoah

Couples Contingencies: Relationship Counselling.

couple-breaks-up1For most couples who are facing marital difficulties the prospect of seeing a relationship counsellor is often viewed as a last resort. Unfortunately this last resort mentality means that many relationships that could have been saved are left irreparable by the time professional help is sought.

There has been an apprehension about Relationship counselling, and counselling in general for that matter.  Seeking professional mental or emotional therapy is seen as an admission of weakness for many. There seems to be an underlying thought that if you have to go to counselling then one has failed as a human being. For a couple to seek help from a relationship counsellor is seen by many as the death knell for their relationship. Unfortunately this is sometimes the case. The couple who prevaricate over professional assistance have often been engaged in blame wars, abrogation of responsibility, they shelter buried resentments and resent broken promises.  When the relationship is this badly wounded many seek counselling as a last resort. This rarely works!

There are warning signs that will tell you that things are going badly.  An unwillingness to communicate is the main contributing factor to the breakdown of a relationship. Once open and honest communication is replaced with avoidance and stonewalling then things are dire indeed.

But how do you plan for the worst? It is difficult to contemplate the breakdown of a relationship when one is in the first flush of love. The last thing that new lovers wish to contemplate is the inevitable difficulties that being in a relationship brings to bear. Let’s face it, if you are in a relationship there will be times that are trying, where the resolve of one if not both partners will be stretched to beyond what either believed they could bear. And what preparations do we make for this inevitable occurrence? None. That’s how much. Most people do not have any formulated strategy for the problems that will undoubtedly arise in their relationship.

People repeatedly form new relationships, make no plans for how they will cope with the issues that will assuredly arise and wonder why they repeat the same mistakes again and again.

The solution

 

solutionsThe solution could be simpler than we think. It just requires a bit of forethought and a mature view of the realities of relationships to create a plan to cope with the stress of tough times in a relationship. If we can accept as mature adults that all relationships will at some time or another come up against the make or break decision then implementing a coping strategy is essential to any serious relationship.

One possibility is agreeing to see a relationship counsellor when one of you asks. No questions. Giving either of you the freedom to ask for professional help when you feel it is necessary. We all make fundamental agreements within our relationships, many of those agreements are largely unspoken. We can draw a comfort from unspoken understanding, and acknowledging that should we need help about our relationship, from someone outside that relationship it’s ok. It’s ok to seek help when both partners are overwhelmed and are having trouble with themselves let alone helping one another. Rather than suffer in separation, we can give a caring counsellor the chance to nourish a once precious love.

If you would like to find out more about relationship counselling Brisbane or Marriage Counselling Brisbane please visit our website or click here.


Jamie Grant

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